You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
