Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
