My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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