Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
