Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
