Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
