im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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