Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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