I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's blow job season.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
