great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
