he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Randomize
