WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
