I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
