Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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