Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
