This is not my ceiling
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
