She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
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At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
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For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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