Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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