Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
