i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
