I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
