turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
