He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
