I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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