Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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