I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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