Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And then the night went full on bisexual.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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