Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize