We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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