Ambien. No doubt about it.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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