I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
