In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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