I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
