and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
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