Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
