Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
