The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
