Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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