I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize