It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
