I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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