forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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