I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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