Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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