Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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