If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
