I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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