Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
