The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
