Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
