Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
