I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
