She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
