i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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