i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
