I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
