Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
