is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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