He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
