Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
