he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
