i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize