It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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