nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think your dad took our porno
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
