I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
is that a dick in a sweater?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize